Well, it’s been a while since I blogged. Squish is now a whopping 3 months old and I am desperately attempting to get back into the swing of things. Its hard. I “let” myself go this past year….granted ankle surgery & pregnancy took their toll – especially one on top of the other. Add to those recovering from a c-section that had to heal open and well – I have packed back on 70 lbs 😦 It was my fault -I could have made better food choices, but I didn’t and now I am suffering for it, both in weight and pain levels. I am finally off soda again – that caused a good portion of my pain, but the excess weight makes everything harder. And now I am back in mom mode again (Hayden – almost 11 is very independent so it was easier to get out and do things) where I never know when I will have a chance to eat and fast food is soooooo easy. It needs to stop. I’m even throwing this post together while the baby is sleeping – so sorry if it isn’t put to gather overly well.
Have you ever noticed that everyone, even strangers have opinions on your life? And they vary depending on who you talk to. I have been told I am being selfish for pumping and having my husband (oh yea I got married too) feed the baby so I can work out without interruption & I have also been told that I am not dedicated because I “use the baby” as an excuse to not work out – like this morning we haven’t gone for a walk yet because it was too cold – and now he is asleep again and I don’t want to wake him. Talk about being damned if you do and damned if you don’t…but the truth is I am doing the best I can. Nothing matters to me more than being a mother. And part of being a good mother is being healthy – which requires sacrifice. I cried the first time I left Squish at home to go work out. I hated being away for an hour or two. I still hate it – I just don’t cry as much any more.
It will probably take me longer this time – I need to make sure I am eating enough (and of the right stuff) to nurse still and not doing too much so my supply doesn’t suffer (it can decrease and I have a hard time producing as it is due to #PCOS), but I am confident I will figure it all out eventually.